Sometimes the only thing standing between a man's belly and a cheap beer is too small an opening in the beer bottle and an unfortunate length of esophagus. To expedite the journey, a man is allowed, nay encouraged, to take full advantage of the canvas that is an aluminum can. Shotgunning a beer is the height of manly ingenuity. Can wine drinkers boast such a versatile dispenser? Of course not.
The steps to a proper shotgun:
1) Grab a frosty beer in an aluminum can, the cheaper the better. Do Not Open It.
2) Hold the can sideways and rotate until the tab is facing down.
3) Find the end without the tab and elevate it a few degrees so that any air in the can rise to this end. This bubble is important to prevent beer from spraying all over the place in the next step.
4) Puncture this end, into the air bubble, and enlarge this hole to be just a little larger than the opening that will be made by the tab.
Usually, people use a key. I once saw a real man jam his thumb into the can even though he cut his thumb when he pulled it out. No matter what method you use, be sure to completely fold the jagged edges under out of the way, this will decrease turbulence as the beer exits the can and prevent you from cutting yourself.5) Still holding the can as before, cover the opening with your mouth. At this point, you will want to stick your finger under the tab wit
hout opening it. This will make it easier to open in the next step.6) Covering the opening with your mouth, raise the can up above your head so that the end with the tab points up.
7) Open the can and suck down the sweet nectar.
8) Repeat. A man never stops with just one, unless he is driving. Then he doesn't drink and drive.
Bonus points if you can shotgun a Pepsi. They're super carbonated and kick like a mule on the way down.
Posts
This is a very manly way to drink a beer. I once beasted 17 shotguns in one night. Lets just say the next day I didn't feel too well.
ReplyDelete