Man's Guide To: Fighting a Bear

Every man should know the bare essentials of how to survive in the outdoors. And one of those essential survival tips is to how to Fight a Bear. If it's a Grizzly or Polar Bear you have a very slim chance of survival, but with a Black bear you have a slightly better chance. Here are the steps if you encounter a bear:

1) The First Look.
If you see a bear and it doesn't see you. Then don't be an idiot and get any closer, just walk in the other direction while making noise so the bear knows that you're around. This will prevent you from spooking it.

2) The Encounter.
Do not run! Bears can run up to 35 mph and running makes you look like prey. The best thing to do is act big, slowly walk away, and speak softly to the bear. Bears aren't use to another predator around and prefer to preserve energy than waste it.

3) Think.
Why is this bear wanting to attack? Are you carrying food? Are you covered in honey? Did you pick up something small and furry that turned out to be a cub? What ever the problem is, try to fix it before the bear does.

4) The Feint Attack.
Many bears will first do a feint attack before actually attacking. At this point, if you have Bear Mace on you use it and try to run away when the bear is temporarily blinded. Or if you're a real man, you use this as a chance to catch the bear off guard. Give him a strong right hook to the face and hope you take him out in one punch.

5) The Attack.
Of course, if you have a gun, you would use it. But this Guide is for Men who want to be real Men, not wimps using a gun. The best bet when the bear attacks is to just play dead in the fetal position in hope that the bear will tire of trying to attack you quickly. Hopefully he's not hungry. Or if you're a real man you let the bear get on its hind legs and you deliver a swift kick to the groin. It'll be better if it's a male bear but it may work either way. No animal likes getting kicked in the balls. Then run. Run fast! If the bear is on top of you, try a head lock or a full nelson while jabbing in the face until it passes out. Then leave feeling like a man!

If you've made it away unscathed from a bear, you have followed this Guide to a T and are deemed B Worthy!




**Of course, this Guide is a joke and doesn't merit any pure truth on how to fight a bear. B-Bloggers are not expert Bear fighters (even if we like to think we are) so do not actually take our advice about fighting a bear.**